Data: 2003-08-29 07:46:01
Temat: OT: Haynes uncovered :)
Nadawca:

Witam!

The Haynes Manual - Phrases Translated.

Rotate anticlockwise.   -       Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly
with hammer anticlockwise.
This is a snug fit.     -       You will skin your knuckles!
This is a tight fit.    -       Not a hope in hell matey!
As described in Chapter 7...    -       That'll teach you not to read
through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside
of a gearbox.
Pry...  -       Hammer a screwdriver into...
Undo... -       Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).
Retain tiny spring...   -       "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye
out"!
Press and rotate to remove bulb...      -       OK - that's the glass bit
off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part.
Lightly...      -       Start off lightly and build up till the veins on
your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are
doing now cannot be considered "lightly".
Weekly checks...        -       If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Routine maintenance...  -       If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
One spanner rating.     -       Your Mum could do this... so how did you
manage to botch it up?
Two spanner rating.     -       Now you may think that you can do this
because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the
wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have
been more use to you).
Four spanner rating.    -       You are seriously considering this aren't
you, you pleb!
Five spanner rating.    -       OK - but don't expect us to ride in it
afterwards!!!
If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...    -      
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Compress...     -       Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on,
swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner
of the garage whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.
Inspect...      -       Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you
are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as
I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Carefully...    -       You are about to cut yourself!
Retaining nut...        -       Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of
rust.
Get an assistant...     -       Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of
someone you know.
Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.  -      
However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that
sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to
feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.   -       But you swear in
different places.
Prise away plastic locating pegs...     -       Snap off...
Using a suitable drift...       -       The biggest nail in your tool box
isn't a suitable drift!
Everyday toolkit        -       Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone
Apply moderate heat...  -       Placing your mouth near it and huffing
isn't moderate heat.
Index   -       List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want
to do!